Pine, Rabbit and wtf you're getting married??

I feel like I've been all go go go lately. Last weekend was pretty much awesome. Pine was here and it was great to see him again. There were games with Wolf, lots of work outside in the cold nasty sleety weather (helping clean up OA in preparation for Interfuse), much laughter, great hiking and probably too much imbibing. The rest of this week I've been trying to catch up with my friends here in CoMo before I leave town. Next week will be my last official week living and working here for at least until the fall. I'm pretty excited!

Rabbit is coming to town this weekend (actually she is on her way now!) for a visit and I'm very much looking forward to hanging out with her. It's really a bummer that it's raining since we were planning on camping, but I'm sure we will still have lots of fun together nonetheless (and I am doubly sure there will be too much imbibing). Speaking of such matters, Rabbit just called and they are already in town sooo...I'm off to meet them for lunch! WOOT!

p.s. What's up with this marriage thing being so popular? I found out this week that two of my exes are engaged. Crazy.

About Pine and I'm a good barista!

I had a long, late night conversation with Pine last night. It was good to get some of that out. I am happy to know that man, I don't think there is another person I am more comfortable around. I can tell him things that I rarely, if ever, speak about. That is a wonderful thing.

Earlier this week one of the supervisors at the coffeeshop told me that I am one of the best baristas he has seen there since he started. Granted he's been there less than a year, but the guy seems to know what he's doing and people say he makes the best cappuccinos. So...cool. I just think it's fun making drinks. I'm sure I'll get tired of the place after a while, just like at my last job, but at least this one is easier with fewer responsibilities! Ha. (and I make more tips, so bam!)

Time to get my toast on and work on a puzzle. It's been a while...

The whosat and howyoudunnit

I have been totally unmotivated to blog lately. There's been stuff to write about though.

• Pine's visit last week that included wandering around downtown, cooking dinners, long serious talks and a long walk down the trail, playing with our toys (hoop, poi, devil sticks, trampoline) during a beautiful 70 degree day, relaxing and a lot of enjoyable conversation and bad puns. I'll have to admit though there were a few times I could've had a bit of time to myself.
  
• I finally taped my hoop! (red and purple of course). I'm so happy to finally have it done and it seems to work better taped. The only problem now is I'm a bit worried about scuffing it up.
  
• Pine very kindly gave me a pair of his practice poi after we had so much fun playing outside. I learned my first move today: the 3 point weave, woot!
  
• The health food store in town finally called to ask if I was still interested in the job I applied for, so hopefully that'll pan out. I've had some issues figuring out my work schedule between two jobs, so now it'll get a little more complicated but that's okay. I need to save some money so I don't mind working more.
• I talked with Owl and found out that he is not coming home like I always felt he was going to. That was the final push I needed to move on, although it did bum me out for a while. I felt it physically, not just in my heart. Something changed. I no longer have a desire to be with him and that feels really, really good.
• After Pine left and after I talked with Owl, I was quite down for a little while. I was finally able to get in touch with Rabbit and we had a long, refreshing conversation. It was kinda depressing talking about how crazy the world is and how frustrated we are and how we feel so out of place. Although I always know Rabbit's around and feels the same way I do about things, I neglect to remember that when I start to feel really alone. So it was uplifting and made me feel better.
• Last night I actually went out, can you imagine? Me going out on a Friday night? Ha. It was different and I'm glad I did. I went to a party at a coffeehouse that an artists' collective was throwing. There was art on display, several musicians, some slam poetry and even some hip hop. It was pretty cool! I wore a rather bohemian hippie outfit and brought my crochet along. I hung out with a few people I knew (mostly from work) and talked with a few I didn't. Later I went to a party, then met someone at a bar, then back to the party. It was alright. It at least served to remind me why I don't go out much.
• I started on a Burning Man list...all the things Pet and I need to talk about. I'm excited already :-)
• This afternoon I went out to a wilderness area for a long hike. It was awesome, good weather for a hike. I almost got myself lost (it's a good thing reading the map wrong didn't hurt me too bad), but was able to backtrack just fine. I saw a lot of forest though, I can never get enough forest. I still had enough light to go outside when I got home and play with my hoop and poi a bit.
  
• I left this last bit of news for the end, it is the most exciting. When I was talking with Rabbit, she asked if I would like to go on the Appalachian Trail with her and Wolf. I said yes! Actually I think I said "hell yes!" Her and I were talking about how frustrating this modern world is, its ridiculous status quo and how it's so effed up that one has to follow all these crap rules of society and not do what you really want to. So I guess you could say this is a "fuck society and let's go do what we really like doing" thing. And of course it would be ridiculously amazing, a crazy ass challenge but one so worth taking on. I mean come on, how often do you drop modern life for six months at a time to walk over 2,000 miles? So, hells yes bitches, I'm taking on the Appalachian Trail. Of course we are leaving ourselves plenty of time to plan and prepare as this isn't going to take place until the spring/summer/fall of 2009. I'm fucking excited as hell.

So yah, that's what's been going on.

Domesticity and Fun in St. Louis

This is me being the Domestic Goddess. The tough, fiercely independent Domestic Goddess, who sometimes likes to make sugar cookies. Delightfully awesome and tasty sugar cookies.

So, as I am sure is obvious by the photograph, I had a good time in St. Louis this past week. The sugar cookie making madness was enjoyed by both Pine and I. He was not afraid to step in and get his hands covered in flour. It was quite cute. I learned that Pine likes to bake, so score yet another point for Pine and his awesome-ness (first the fire-eating, now the baking! whew). It took us at least a couple of hours since I made the whole recipe, so there will be no shortage of sugar cookies at either of our houses anytime soon (that is unless my roommate who is even more of a whore for baked goods than I am gets a hold of them). We even mixed up several colors of frosting and laboriously iced each cookie. That doesn't mean they look very good...I mean really, there is not much finesse involved in icing cookies with a butter knife. However, they are quite colorful and very tasty, and that is all that really matters. It had been a while since I was so domestic. My other domestic activities of the week included making yummy vegan enchiladas, leek soup, late-night pancakes (great munchie food btw), a couple breakfasts and cleaning Pine's kitchen. I know how bachelor men's houses tend to be, and I need a clean kitchen to work in, so, voila! Clean kitchen.

I also spent a lot of time hooping this past week. Pine and I watched a few basic hooping videos, and while Pine was out one evening I finally got the hang of the one hand beam me up, although I have only perfected one rotation at a time. It made me feel good to learn a trick so quickly. Pine was impressed I think ;-) I can definitely feel where the hoop has been rolling around my hips, I even have a bruise already. Ha.

Remember the Shoes video that everyone loved so much a year or so ago? I remembered that I was very impressed with the fire hoopers towards the end, so I looked it up and watched it again with Pine. The fire hooping is pretty hot I have to say. One day, that'll be me.

Pine and I didn't go out much, except for Friday night. We met up with our cool friend Pet, who we have both been wanting to hang out with. I'm going to go off on a tangent here and tell the story of how I met Pet....
Last May, on a lark, (which seems like eons ago now) I went to a Beltane festival at Ozark Avalon with Owl, who is already very familiar with the land and folks who spend time there, unlike me. One of the first people we ran across after we had arrived and set up camp was a tall, tan man wearing nothing but sunglasses and a lacy sarong draped around his hips with a bikini clad woman in tow. I was only slightly taken aback by such a character, as Owl had informed me I would see oddly dressed folks and strange situations at this event. So, I was introduced to Pet. To be honest with you I wasn't very interested at first. I was actually quite guarded for most of the time I was there. I didn't speak with him much at all really and didn't think about him again until a couple of months later when I got a random phone call from an unknown number. The man said he was looking for Owl (who at one point was giving out my number as a way to get a hold of him) and we got to talking. It turns out he was the scantily clad man I had met months earlier at OA. He remembered me as the pretty woman Owl had brought along. It was a nice conversation, albeit a little odd considering the circumstances. He stopped by my work one morning a few days later when he was in town and I almost didn't recognize him because he had so many clothes on! He encouraged me to call him later on since we seemed to get on so well, and I was open to making a new friend, so...we started talking and became instant friends. At one point he told me something that a friend of his had said, "good people know good people". So true. We met again at Pagan Pride Day right around the time of Mabon this September and spent some time together chatting. So, it was nice to finally get to see him again.

So, like I was saying, Pine and I met Pet at a pool hall (where we did actually play a game and have some drinks) in preparation for going to an event which Pet had suggested, Journey to Bethlehem. This is something that he apparently used to go to years ago when some of his family members attended the same church. He wanted to go experience it again with friends he knew would understand the silliness of it all (he said to us at one point during our "journey" that he could "smell the hypocrisy", hehe). Wow. It was quite an odd experience. I think now I have had enough "church" to last me for quite a while. So after "walking to Bethlehem" outside in the very cold weather and being slightly disturbed, we headed back to reality. Pet suggested hitting up the casino just for fun. I wasn't ready to go home yet, and really, what would be a better way to end such an odd Friday night? So, away we went. We didn't actually go inside the casino itself, but we wandered all about and people watched. They all looked kinda sad, or drunk, or both. It wasn't overly exciting, but as I told Pine, it was a good way to balance out the church craziness. It was just great getting to see Pet again! I'd love to spend more time with both Pet and Pine, we seem to make a great trio.

So, that was my week in St. Louis. It was great getting away from my house for a while. I was actually able to sleep rather well at Pine's house. It's so much quieter there than here, without all those crazy dogs running about. I swear this house is like a circus....

Sugar Cookies and My Hooping Beginnings

I'm in St. Louis for a visit right now, just keeping myself entertained while Pine is away for a few hours. I mixed up dough for sugar cookies this morning (frosting to be made next) so this evening we will go crazy with the cookies. I am so excited! When I was little, my family had a great sugar cookie tradition. Once a year during the holidays, we would gather in the kitchen and make tons of sugar cookies. My mom would mix up the dough and my sister and I would help her roll it out and cut them into shapes for baking. We would make all different colors of frosting and pull out our ridiculously large selection of sprinkles that we had acquired throughout the year. Then my dad would come along at some point and we'd all sit down at the table with the cooled cookies to frost and decorate all of them. It got quite crazy at times, with all sorts of weird colors and oddly decorated shapes. It was great fun! I really wanted to do that again this year since it's been a few years and Pine thought it was a great idea. So I'm really looking forward to it. I'll definitely get some photos!

Last night Pine and I made some hoops! It was quite easy and they turned out well. I've been playing with mine quite a bit, although I pretty much just have the basic hooping action down. I've been watching videos for some help, although I'm not finding a whole lot of super basic videos. It'd be helpful to have someone around who really knew what they were doing. It's still fun though and I feel like I'm getting a good workout when I do it. So, woo for hooping!

Love

Why are men so damn distracting? Sigh. I've never before had to deal with seriously liking more than one man at a time. Well, okay, in love with one and REALLY "in like" with another one. It's very strange. I find my brain pairing the two of them up with me, pinning them up against a wall, looking at their faces and watching our scenes play. How each of them is to me, the things they say and do. How they are the same, how they are different. My history with Owl, my present with Pine. I think about what a future with either one of them would be like. I wonder if I will ever have to choose. I don't like thinking about that, so I don't always get too far. I miss Owl so much and I am sad that we didn't have much of a chance (sometimes I think I'd like to try it again). I am excited about this thing with Pine at the same time though. I am really fighting this "one true love" idea that our society perpetuates. I think that we are capable of loving many people, and we do. A lot of people just remain in long-term monogamous relationships. So, I'm trying to chill out and enjoy this present moment with Pine, because there is no reason why I should keep myself from experiencing love with other people. There is so much loving to do! (as cheesy as that sounds...) Just because I love one person does not mean I cannot love another. At this moment in time, I don't think I would be able to fully give my heart to one person. I am okay with that.

Fun in St. Louis

Last week I headed to St. Louis for several days for a much needed break from the monotony and frustration of the mundane world. Most of the week I spent with Pine at his cute, cozy house in the 'burbs, just relaxing and enjoying getting to know him more. It is much quieter at his house than mine, so I had lots of good, uninterrupted sleep and I slept in quite late most mornings, which was rather unintentional, but nice for a change. We geeked out a lot with jigsaw puzzles, video games, looking stuff up on Wikipedia and playing with legos. There were plenty of other kinds of fun as well, but I will spare you all the details...

One afternoon Pine and I went to Laumeier Sculpture Park, which was lots of fun. We just wandered all about and climbed on things we weren't supposed to climb on. I'm actually in one of the sculptures at the park in this photo. It was a nice, warm afternoon and I had fun wandering about and playing in the woods with Pine. We were a little spontaneous after the park and decided to head down to the loop to meet up with Willow, whom I just had to see while I was in town! On the way, Pine showed me one of his favorite spots on the WashU campus, "the tree". It was a nice little spot to relax for a bit. So, I met up with Willow and we ate at the awesome falafel place that we both love and had some girl time to catch up before Pine came back (he went home to collect his fire gear). It was great! The food was good too, mmmtabbouleh.... Then Pine and Willow were introduced, and it went well. I think she already has a higher opinion of Pine than she does of Owl. That's not very shocking really.

Then it was fire time! We met up with one of Pine's friends and they played with their fire toys while Willow and I watched and giggled. It was so awesome! I had of course seen Pine eat fire before, but this was the first time I had seen him spin poi. I was quite impressed, and even more turned on ;-) There are some photos on my flickr, although they definitely don't convey the excitement of watching fire spinning in person, but...they'll do. Both Pine and his friend were fun to watch, they performed some pretty neat tricks. It was just a nice evening getting to spend some time with Willow and being so graciously entertained by Pine and his cool friend. I was quite happy that Willow and Pine got along so well. It seems she thinks he is a good pick, yay!

The next evening, Friday, Pine and I stayed in and had fun together. We rolled for a little while, and it was definitely an experience. I didn't feel the physical sensations as strongly as I expected, but I definitely opened up more emotionally. We spent a lot of time talking and being totally honest. It was as if the barriers I have put up were temporarily broken down. I got a little emotional about Owl and clued Pine in on some of what I have been feeling, things I had been keeping quiet about. I think he was surprised at a sudden, unexpected outpouring of emotion. I don't know if I was ready or not to tell him those things, but...I don't feel regret. In that moment I felt very safe, and comfortable with Pine. It was reassuring that he was very much in that moment with me and was able to share with me as well. I think we've had similar experiences with love, and for some reason that made me feel glad. He has never made me feel bad for still loving someone else, nor has he ever made me feel pressured to do or say or be anything. Also, there is nothing expected, and that is a good feeling. So far we have just been in the moment, and that is working rather well. So, back to Friday night...mostly we just sat on the couch in candlelight listening to chill music and enjoying each other. We talked a lot, about a lot of things I don't remember, and of course touched a lot. We had picked up some strawberries earlier in the evening and they were a very good investment. I've never had more fun being fed strawberries, or feeding strawberries to someone else. Mmm! :-D

It was a GREAT week, I so needed to get away from my little world here, as it can really bring me down sometimes. It wasn't too hard coming back, but our little fake world really is mundane.

Pine as Fire Eater

I had never thought much about fire eating before I met Pine, nor had I ever seen anyone doing it in person. Since I have seen it with my own eyes now, I think it's pretty damn hot. More so than I probably would have thought had I ever really thought about fire eating before. I'm not sure what's so hot about it, well...that's not totally true. It can be quite suggestive....and I guess the risk involved turns me on a little too. Pine demonstrated his fire eating skills for me when we went camping together for the first time a few weeks ago, and I tell you what, that was it for me. I was easy pickin' after that. Thinking about his performance that evening still gives me butterflies. I suppose around other people he probably isn't quite as suggestive with it, but...whew. He sure knows how to make a girl blush. Combine that with his fire eating talents and....yeah...I swoon. Is that silly?

At Home in the Woods

Oh camping is so much fun! My most recent trip was this past Sunday afternoon through Monday morning, which was much too short but was all the time we had. Since beloved Rabbit is moving far away very soon (in exactly one week!), we all very much wanted to get in one last camping excursion and trip before she left and this was the last chance we had. So, as early as we could on Sunday, Rabbit, Wolf and I headed out to a previously found campsite about a half hour east of town. It was perfect! Free camping, absolutely no neighbors, peaceful and very good energy, what more could we ask? Well, less horse poo would have been nice, but all in all it was a great spot. We set up camp, explored, gathered and organized firewood and prepared for our trip while we waited for Pine to arrive. Once he got there, Pine and I set up our sleeping quarters (see photo) and then...off we went!

It was a good trip. All of us went on a little excursion together before the light died to a dried up creekbed. That's when we are the quietest, entry. So we sat and soaked everything up in the dying twilight, us beginning to peak. The beautiful, subdued fall colors were beginning to pop, and combined with the blacks and grays of the bare trees and the myriad of textures and patterns created in that dusky light, created magic for the eyes. It was a bit rough for me though, but thankfully that doesn't last too long. We lost Wolf for a while, so it was just Rabbit, Pine and I wandering back closer to camp. We found a nice clearing where we could lay down and watch the clouds pass over the moon. It was like a dance. The dusky, smoky purple and gray clouds were fringed with deep oranges and yellows and they would occasionally break to tease you with the slightest glimpse of the amazingly bright moon, waxing past half. Wolf came back soon enough, barefoot and barechested, ready to start spinning his stick. It was mindblowing this time! Such speed and accuracy! It looked pretty awesome too. It's always fun to watch Wolf spin his stick, it's very magical.

Soon we headed back to camp where Pine and I spent some time together while Rabbit and Wolf went off again somewhere to play (it actually worried me later that I couldn't find them! I was like a little lost wolf pup wandering about barefoot along the dirt road howling, listening for a response, wandering, yipping). I, of course, had to have my alone time to commune with the Earth amongst the trees and mosses on the forest floor. It's like worshipping really, paying my deep respects to the greater whole that we are all a part of. So, I had to occasionally wander off alone, I even had to stop Pine from following me once because I needed to be just me. Every time I came wandering out of the forest I was either growling and yipping or calling his name, ha. It really brings out the animal in me.

The two of us were very unsuccessful at starting a fire when we had decided we wanted one, we even totally demolished the prearranged teepee made out of kindling and paper that Wolf had prepared. When they got back from their excursion, Wolf set out to start the fire (after gently berating us with a slight smile on his face and that little gleam in his eye) and to all our delights he furnished us with a warm, roaring fire, the glowing coals of which drew us all in for the rest of the night. Then Wolf brought out his flute (no tears this time!) which did not fail to bring out in me deep feelings and a strong sense of a brother/sister connection. I feel very strongly that Wolf is the big brother I never had. Pine decided to entertain us with his awesome fire eating skills and Wolf accompanied him for a while, which was lots of fun! The rest of the evening we just watched the fire, talked, watched the stars and moon after the clouds all cleared up and just enjoyed the night and each other. Pine and I stayed up for a while after Rabbit and Wolf went to bed and then eventually headed that way ourselves.

Rabbit had to get back to the real world for work in the morning, so her and Wolf left fairly early. Pine and I stayed around a bit, doing some exploring and breaking down camp. I would have liked to stay longer as I really did not want to go back, but it was getting quite chilly. So we decided to head back to town for lunch and a rest before Pine had to head home. I had a hard time coming back, it seems to get harder every time! Work was almost painful the next day, even though I'd had plenty of rest. Dealing with our reality, this "real" world, can be incredibly frustrating, especially after such a trip.

So, despite the fact that it was entirely too short, our camping trip was great. Quite refreshing and very needed.