NYC Trip & Update

Well, I don't have much to report right now. Things are rather unexciting. Since getting back from my adventures out west I've been spending almost all my time at my parents' place, trying to keep myself entertained. Although I did take a trip out to NYC to visit Rabbit and Wolf, and that was quite wonderful! It was very good to see both of them again, it had been too long. Mostly we wandered about town, loafed around at Rabbit's cute little hobbit hole in Brooklyn, hanging out, being silly and eating cheap, delicious delivery (wonderful thing about the city!) We did take a trip out to Coney Island one afternoon, which was quite nice. The weather was beautiful and the beach was not very crowded. We talked about life and dreams and enjoyed being in the sun. Sadly we were not able to get out for a hike like we had wanted, but, maybe another time. Like I was expecting, the city was too crazy for me, interesting, but just too many people and too much concrete. Where Rabbit lives is not too bad. I did enjoy being able to just walk down the street for groceries or whatever. But still not a place I'd like to live. Very interesting though, to see how so many other people live. Overall it was a good trip and I am very glad we all got to hang out again!

It has been good to see my family again. My nephew is growing fast! He is quite adorable and almost makes me like babies ;-) I have been here long enough though and am ready to get on the road again. Thankfully I'll be headed back to Montana next week. I am quite excited! It sounds like folks at the campaign are looking forward to having me back, and that's a warm, fuzzy feeling :-D I think I am almost ready. I splurged and bought myself a fancy new pack so I will be at least more mobile in my future travels, and so I can go backpacking, duh! I've gotten together mostly everything I think I will take, and it didn't even fill the bag! I was almost shocked, I have learned how to pack light! What a novel concept! Although, knowing me I will probably fill it in the end, hehe.

Tomorrow should be interesting. Owl is coming by to pick up some things he left when he moved (oh yeah, did I mention he has moved back to the mainland?) and I'm not sure if I am ready to see him again. I have come to the point where I just don't feel like I want him in my life anymore, but I don't know if I will be able to tell him that. Honestly I have enjoyed not communicating with him, it's not even something I think about. Although now that I am actually going to see him, I know I should stand up for myself and tell him all the things I have been feeling about our relationship and all that happened. But a part of me feels like it's just not worth it. Does he deserve even that? Would it make me feel any different? I just don't know. Sigh. I am so tired of this.

I don't want to end on that note, so here's something exciting! Yesterday I learned a couple of new hooping tricks! WOOT! Just a simple jump through trick, and a behind the back pass. When I'm trying to learn new tricks from videos I always really wish someone was actually there to show me in person. I think I'd probably pick things up a lot quicker that way. Although, mostly what I've learned I've gotten from videos online, so it obviously hasn't been that difficult ;-) It felt good to work on new things again! Huzzah for hooping!

Rabbit Weekend and Eagle Bluffs

It's been a good weekend. I've really enjoyed getting to hang out with dear Rabbit again, I forget how nice it is having a good girlfriend around! We've had much greasy restaurant food, a good round of frisbee golf in which we all demonstrated our super awesome frisbee skills, much imbibing, lots of gabbing (I don't think I've ever heard "wtf!?" said more than during this weekend, in regards to Owl's recent announcement), some game time (we beat Wolf at Outburst, and he of course kept his title as Scattergories champion) and lots of laughter of course. I'm hoping to catch them again this evening as she'll be headed out tomorrow while I'm at work.

This afternoon I went out for a hike with my hiking buddy to Eagle Bluffs. We took a trail around some of the wetlands and watched the ducks, identified a few. Then we went down through the woods to the river and walked up it aways. We identified some trees and I think I could say with confidence that I can now identify cottonwoods, and possibly ash trees as well. It was nice exploring a different area, since I almost always go to the forest. It was warm and beautiful and perfect. I even got a little sunburned. Springtime makes me so happy!

This is the beginning of my last week in Como! I'll be busy for sure...

Pine, Rabbit and wtf you're getting married??

I feel like I've been all go go go lately. Last weekend was pretty much awesome. Pine was here and it was great to see him again. There were games with Wolf, lots of work outside in the cold nasty sleety weather (helping clean up OA in preparation for Interfuse), much laughter, great hiking and probably too much imbibing. The rest of this week I've been trying to catch up with my friends here in CoMo before I leave town. Next week will be my last official week living and working here for at least until the fall. I'm pretty excited!

Rabbit is coming to town this weekend (actually she is on her way now!) for a visit and I'm very much looking forward to hanging out with her. It's really a bummer that it's raining since we were planning on camping, but I'm sure we will still have lots of fun together nonetheless (and I am doubly sure there will be too much imbibing). Speaking of such matters, Rabbit just called and they are already in town sooo...I'm off to meet them for lunch! WOOT!

p.s. What's up with this marriage thing being so popular? I found out this week that two of my exes are engaged. Crazy.

The Magic Star Forest

I have some pretty fond memories of this place. The time I spent there with Rabbit and Wolf was the best part of last summer, hands down. When I'm missing Rabbit I think about playing like silly wood nymphs among the trees and moss covered boulders as the sun was going down. The light was perfect and we hadn't a care in the world. It was divine. Thinking about that time always makes me smile.

Last night I got a chance to talk with Rabbit. It had been probably a month since we last talked. It was good to hear she's doing alright. I'm sad I can't be there for her. The most I can do is offer an ear, but I wish I could do more.

I'm really looking forward to having a chance to see my dear Rabbit again this summer. It'll be so great to hang out with her again (and ole Wolfie too of course!) Woo summertime, can't get here soon enough!

Inspiration and Thoughts for Rabbit

It seems recently when I sign in to post something, I just don't know what to say and give up before I even start. Blogging feels rather useless sometimes.

I had an inspiring day on Wednesday. First I found out one of the regulars at the coffeeshop is a burner who attended Burning Man for the first time last year. So as soon as I saw him I said, "so I hear you're going to Burning Man." That started a long, excited talk and ended up making me think about BM for the rest of the evening. Then, I noticed a guy looking through a seed catalog from Baker Creek and I just had to mention it. So, we started talking about seeds and growing things and permaculture and land and....it was good. He's just started working with Big Canoe, a local organization I've been interested in for a while. I gave him my email and told him to contact me if he ever wanted my help playing in the dirt. Even if I never hear from him, it was just cool to connect with someone who is into growing veggies as much as I am. So...that was cool, connecting with some like minded folks. I always love that.

There's just not much else worth writing about, except....

My dear, dear friend Rabbit has been on my mind lately. She's going through a pretty rough time right now and I so wish there was something I could do to help her through it. My heart goes out to her when I think about what she's going through. Dearest Rabbit, my thoughts are with you. I send you lots and lots of love, strength and courage. If I could give you a hug, I'd give you a million!

The whosat and howyoudunnit

I have been totally unmotivated to blog lately. There's been stuff to write about though.

• Pine's visit last week that included wandering around downtown, cooking dinners, long serious talks and a long walk down the trail, playing with our toys (hoop, poi, devil sticks, trampoline) during a beautiful 70 degree day, relaxing and a lot of enjoyable conversation and bad puns. I'll have to admit though there were a few times I could've had a bit of time to myself.
  
• I finally taped my hoop! (red and purple of course). I'm so happy to finally have it done and it seems to work better taped. The only problem now is I'm a bit worried about scuffing it up.
  
• Pine very kindly gave me a pair of his practice poi after we had so much fun playing outside. I learned my first move today: the 3 point weave, woot!
  
• The health food store in town finally called to ask if I was still interested in the job I applied for, so hopefully that'll pan out. I've had some issues figuring out my work schedule between two jobs, so now it'll get a little more complicated but that's okay. I need to save some money so I don't mind working more.
• I talked with Owl and found out that he is not coming home like I always felt he was going to. That was the final push I needed to move on, although it did bum me out for a while. I felt it physically, not just in my heart. Something changed. I no longer have a desire to be with him and that feels really, really good.
• After Pine left and after I talked with Owl, I was quite down for a little while. I was finally able to get in touch with Rabbit and we had a long, refreshing conversation. It was kinda depressing talking about how crazy the world is and how frustrated we are and how we feel so out of place. Although I always know Rabbit's around and feels the same way I do about things, I neglect to remember that when I start to feel really alone. So it was uplifting and made me feel better.
• Last night I actually went out, can you imagine? Me going out on a Friday night? Ha. It was different and I'm glad I did. I went to a party at a coffeehouse that an artists' collective was throwing. There was art on display, several musicians, some slam poetry and even some hip hop. It was pretty cool! I wore a rather bohemian hippie outfit and brought my crochet along. I hung out with a few people I knew (mostly from work) and talked with a few I didn't. Later I went to a party, then met someone at a bar, then back to the party. It was alright. It at least served to remind me why I don't go out much.
• I started on a Burning Man list...all the things Pet and I need to talk about. I'm excited already :-)
• This afternoon I went out to a wilderness area for a long hike. It was awesome, good weather for a hike. I almost got myself lost (it's a good thing reading the map wrong didn't hurt me too bad), but was able to backtrack just fine. I saw a lot of forest though, I can never get enough forest. I still had enough light to go outside when I got home and play with my hoop and poi a bit.
  
• I left this last bit of news for the end, it is the most exciting. When I was talking with Rabbit, she asked if I would like to go on the Appalachian Trail with her and Wolf. I said yes! Actually I think I said "hell yes!" Her and I were talking about how frustrating this modern world is, its ridiculous status quo and how it's so effed up that one has to follow all these crap rules of society and not do what you really want to. So I guess you could say this is a "fuck society and let's go do what we really like doing" thing. And of course it would be ridiculously amazing, a crazy ass challenge but one so worth taking on. I mean come on, how often do you drop modern life for six months at a time to walk over 2,000 miles? So, hells yes bitches, I'm taking on the Appalachian Trail. Of course we are leaving ourselves plenty of time to plan and prepare as this isn't going to take place until the spring/summer/fall of 2009. I'm fucking excited as hell.

So yah, that's what's been going on.

Ole Wolfie

I just got back from Wolf's going away party, and I'm feeling pretty bummed. It was fun, I enjoyed hanging out with everyone, but it just made it so real! He's actually leaving!

Wolf is a pretty special guy, and I've really come to love and appreciate him this past year. My circumstances coming here were a little weird and my new home was almost totally ruined for me after Owl and I split. The only people I knew in town besides him were Rabbit and Wolf. I really feel that if it wasn't for the two of them, I wouldn't have stayed here. They made it feel more like home! It took me a little while to really warm up to them, especially considering their connection to Owl, but it didn't take me long to realize that we all had a special connection. It seems we come from the same tribe, and it feels really good to find your people! It also didn't take long for me to start considering Wolf the big brother I always wanted and never had. He said to Rabbit that I was like the little sister he could pick on. He's lucky I'm so forgiving! hehe! I am deeply grateful to have such a friend as Wolf. After the night when I kept him up late talking with Rabbit, then called him on my way home to ask him to help me push my car out of the street (he was there in five minutes!) even though he had to be up super early AND Rabbit was moving the very next morning, it really hit me what a great friend I've got. Not that I didn't already know of course, but some moments just really remind you of what you've got. Under that wild man look (hehe!), he's got a very good heart that really cares. He's a good, warm soul. I will miss him terribly!! Wolf and Rabbit: I've never had friends before who felt like my real family. You two are definitely the family of my heart. I love you!!

Work Stresses and Rabbit

I've been feeling down the last couple of days, and I think a lot of it has to do with work. I am SO over that place! It's cool and all, but the politics and drama and ridiculousness are all getting to be too much. I'm just getting so frustrated with how things are there, it's just not worth it anymore. Especially considering what I am getting paid. I'm just bummed that even though it's a cool place, it has so many issues and being there just makes me unhappy. So, onwards and upwards! I've been applying at other places around town, mostly downtown. I'm trying to decide whether or not I should sell out and work for the man, although I would much rather work for another local place. We'll see. It's not too urgent that I leave my current job, so I'm not too stressed about finding another one. I did just snag a gig cleaning someone's shop and house once a week, which will give me a little extra cash. It's not much, but every little bit counts.

I am really starting to feel Rabbit's absence. I miss having a girlfriend around! We had a long phone conversation on my way home from St. Louis on Saturday, which was great! It was really nice to catch up and talk about some things that are important to both of us. I am deeply grateful for Rabbit, it's been awesome getting to know her and discovering that we have a lot in common. I feel especially connected with her because we are walking the same paths in our lives right now. Feeling things out, learning, exploring. I'm happy to have someone with whom I can share my feelings, questions and thoughts about our Pagan explorations, without feeling like such an amateur. There are other friends I can talk with about Paganism, but since we are both just getting into it, I feel more comfortable discussing it with Rabbit. Also, it's been such a blessing having someone around who is having the same feelings of fear, frustration, confusion and bewilderment about life in general as I do. I feel much less alone knowing that. And we can talk about these things! That's especially important.

I started on a new jigsaw puzzle last night. Woo geekitude!

How sweet would this be?? Why do we have to be so puritanical in this country?

Exploring Rocky Fork and Friend Time

The past few days have been absolutely beautiful, so I have been making sure to take advantage! I want to enjoy this weather as much as I can before winter comes. So on Saturday, I had a wild hair to get out and explore some. A good friend of mine had told me how cool it is out at Rocky Fork, which is where Rabbit, Wolf, Owl and I would always go swimming in the summer. I had only been as far as the swimming hole, so I wanted to wander farther and see what I found. It was so nice! I didn't get out there until 3 or so, but it was a good time. The light was perfect, the sun kept me warm and I still had plenty of time for exploring. I found all sorts of great little nooks and peaceful spots. It was so nice to just be able to wander about wherever I fancied to go, mostly off the road. I took so many photos, so I'll just let those do most of the talking. I really enjoyed the time alone, although I do love going hiking with friends.

Yesterday evening I went walking on the Bear Creek Trail with Rabbit. While she ran, I wandered about listening to and watching the birds, picking a lovely autumn bouquet and just enjoying the crisp evening. We walked together some and had some good girl time. I don't think either one of us has totally realized that Rabbit is leaving so soon! I'm trying to get in as much time with my beloved Rabbit as I can. I won't be able to see her again until next summer, which seems entirely too long! I'm already looking forward to visiting her and Wolf though, we've already made plans ;-) After our walk, we went back to her house and hung out with Wolf all evening. We played a game of Outburst, us girls against Wolf, and we won, despite the fact that I wasn't even paying attention half the time because I was a little out of it...ha. I love those guys!

Also, yesterday I finally got to catch up with my dearest Willow (a.k.a. Alpaca Son). It was so nice! I am so grateful for her, and so happy that we understand each other so well. Relationships like that are the stuff of a good life. It's such a huge part of being human!

At Home in the Woods

Oh camping is so much fun! My most recent trip was this past Sunday afternoon through Monday morning, which was much too short but was all the time we had. Since beloved Rabbit is moving far away very soon (in exactly one week!), we all very much wanted to get in one last camping excursion and trip before she left and this was the last chance we had. So, as early as we could on Sunday, Rabbit, Wolf and I headed out to a previously found campsite about a half hour east of town. It was perfect! Free camping, absolutely no neighbors, peaceful and very good energy, what more could we ask? Well, less horse poo would have been nice, but all in all it was a great spot. We set up camp, explored, gathered and organized firewood and prepared for our trip while we waited for Pine to arrive. Once he got there, Pine and I set up our sleeping quarters (see photo) and then...off we went!

It was a good trip. All of us went on a little excursion together before the light died to a dried up creekbed. That's when we are the quietest, entry. So we sat and soaked everything up in the dying twilight, us beginning to peak. The beautiful, subdued fall colors were beginning to pop, and combined with the blacks and grays of the bare trees and the myriad of textures and patterns created in that dusky light, created magic for the eyes. It was a bit rough for me though, but thankfully that doesn't last too long. We lost Wolf for a while, so it was just Rabbit, Pine and I wandering back closer to camp. We found a nice clearing where we could lay down and watch the clouds pass over the moon. It was like a dance. The dusky, smoky purple and gray clouds were fringed with deep oranges and yellows and they would occasionally break to tease you with the slightest glimpse of the amazingly bright moon, waxing past half. Wolf came back soon enough, barefoot and barechested, ready to start spinning his stick. It was mindblowing this time! Such speed and accuracy! It looked pretty awesome too. It's always fun to watch Wolf spin his stick, it's very magical.

Soon we headed back to camp where Pine and I spent some time together while Rabbit and Wolf went off again somewhere to play (it actually worried me later that I couldn't find them! I was like a little lost wolf pup wandering about barefoot along the dirt road howling, listening for a response, wandering, yipping). I, of course, had to have my alone time to commune with the Earth amongst the trees and mosses on the forest floor. It's like worshipping really, paying my deep respects to the greater whole that we are all a part of. So, I had to occasionally wander off alone, I even had to stop Pine from following me once because I needed to be just me. Every time I came wandering out of the forest I was either growling and yipping or calling his name, ha. It really brings out the animal in me.

The two of us were very unsuccessful at starting a fire when we had decided we wanted one, we even totally demolished the prearranged teepee made out of kindling and paper that Wolf had prepared. When they got back from their excursion, Wolf set out to start the fire (after gently berating us with a slight smile on his face and that little gleam in his eye) and to all our delights he furnished us with a warm, roaring fire, the glowing coals of which drew us all in for the rest of the night. Then Wolf brought out his flute (no tears this time!) which did not fail to bring out in me deep feelings and a strong sense of a brother/sister connection. I feel very strongly that Wolf is the big brother I never had. Pine decided to entertain us with his awesome fire eating skills and Wolf accompanied him for a while, which was lots of fun! The rest of the evening we just watched the fire, talked, watched the stars and moon after the clouds all cleared up and just enjoyed the night and each other. Pine and I stayed up for a while after Rabbit and Wolf went to bed and then eventually headed that way ourselves.

Rabbit had to get back to the real world for work in the morning, so her and Wolf left fairly early. Pine and I stayed around a bit, doing some exploring and breaking down camp. I would have liked to stay longer as I really did not want to go back, but it was getting quite chilly. So we decided to head back to town for lunch and a rest before Pine had to head home. I had a hard time coming back, it seems to get harder every time! Work was almost painful the next day, even though I'd had plenty of rest. Dealing with our reality, this "real" world, can be incredibly frustrating, especially after such a trip.

So, despite the fact that it was entirely too short, our camping trip was great. Quite refreshing and very needed.