Owl Love

I just talked with dearest Owl. Le sigh. I love that man. I can't help it. This is a kind of love that doesn't go away, that just grows stronger as time goes on, no matter what I try to do to forget it. It amazes me how limitless and forgiving this love has proved to be, despite all the pain that is attached to it. Love can be a wonderful thing, but it can also be a great, hurtful burden. Sometimes it is both things at once, and I have felt that duality more than a few times this past year. I feel like I am being torn in different directions. At times I feel my love for this man wash over me, I get lost in daydreams and I want nothing else but to be with him again. I remember the sweetest moments, the kindest words, the times when the world dissolved, and I play them over and over in my head. At other times the pain of our separation seems overwhelming and I can't make sense of any of it. Did all of that really happen? Was that happiness just a dream? And yet at other times I remember all the crazy stuff that happened between us and I rationalize with my heart, I think and analyze instead of feel. I think about the things he did that hurt me, the things he said that made me cry, all those hurtful little moments. I tell myself that I deserve better, and I do. But what about second chances? How do you just give up on a love like that? I don't know! I just don't know. There is nothing else to do except to just keep going. Just keep taking steps, living my life. Despite the fact that I am still in love with him and that he still loves me, I have to keep going, for my own sake. I already know this and have been making great progress these past few months. These random phone conversations just cause me to reflect and they almost always serve to remind me of how much I still love him. I can't forget him, and I don't ever want to. He will always hold a piece of my heart, my dear Owl, coyote trickster, wild Scorpio, mad laughing artist and beautiful being.

This is a testimonial I wrote for him on another site:
"Oh boy, are you in for a wild ride! This man will make you laugh til you cry (or pee your pants, he'll even pee his pants to make you laugh!), he will show you beauty that you have missed, he will lead you into the wilds and pour out his extensive knowledge of the natural world without getting you lost, he will share with you his wisdom, he will listen to you, he will delight you with tales true and exaggerated, he will show you a good time that won't soon be forgotten and he will definitely color your world. All of this just over a cup of tea! No one has ever made me laugh as much and as often, no one has ever inspired me more, no one has left as unique a mark on my life as he. I am deeply grateful for this man, my dear, wise Owl, coyote trickster, wild Scorpio, master gardener, talented musician and artist extraordinaire, jester of many stripes, mad hatter, storyteller divine and beautiful being. My dearest Owl, you will always have a piece of my heart."