Winter Moons

These clear autumn nights are so striking. The moon is incredibly bright and the sky such a rich shade of deepest blue. The naked trees frame the sky so nicely. The moon has begun to wane, from the top from where I am. Mars is a little above the moon, a red twinkle in the sky.

I can't quite pinpoint the feeling I get from these kinds of night skies. They do leave quite an impression on me. There is something lonely about them. I want to reach up and pat the moon, tell her she is not alone. I think what it is about these skies that is so striking is that they are hints of a long, dark, lonely winter. The time of the year to hibernate, save energies and reflect on the past year, to do that serious work if it needs doing. The kind of work only you can do. I am always left reflecting after gazing at such a moon in a clear, winter sky. Maybe it's just this time of year.

Ole Wolfie

I just got back from Wolf's going away party, and I'm feeling pretty bummed. It was fun, I enjoyed hanging out with everyone, but it just made it so real! He's actually leaving!

Wolf is a pretty special guy, and I've really come to love and appreciate him this past year. My circumstances coming here were a little weird and my new home was almost totally ruined for me after Owl and I split. The only people I knew in town besides him were Rabbit and Wolf. I really feel that if it wasn't for the two of them, I wouldn't have stayed here. They made it feel more like home! It took me a little while to really warm up to them, especially considering their connection to Owl, but it didn't take me long to realize that we all had a special connection. It seems we come from the same tribe, and it feels really good to find your people! It also didn't take long for me to start considering Wolf the big brother I always wanted and never had. He said to Rabbit that I was like the little sister he could pick on. He's lucky I'm so forgiving! hehe! I am deeply grateful to have such a friend as Wolf. After the night when I kept him up late talking with Rabbit, then called him on my way home to ask him to help me push my car out of the street (he was there in five minutes!) even though he had to be up super early AND Rabbit was moving the very next morning, it really hit me what a great friend I've got. Not that I didn't already know of course, but some moments just really remind you of what you've got. Under that wild man look (hehe!), he's got a very good heart that really cares. He's a good, warm soul. I will miss him terribly!! Wolf and Rabbit: I've never had friends before who felt like my real family. You two are definitely the family of my heart. I love you!!

Socializing and lack of sleep

I am just exhausted, from too much socializing. Or, much more than I am used to anyway. I keep staying up way too late even though I know I have to get up at 5:30. After several days of this, I'm now really feeling it. Thank goodness I have all day to recuperate! It's been good though, actually getting out and doing stuff. I went to a party (woh, I never go to parties) on Friday night for a bunch of people I work with who are moving away. It was a good time for sure, with a big fire (what a beautiful night!), special "superpowers" and cool people. I stayed out by the fire for most of the night, winter isn't so bad as long as you've got a warm fire to sit by.

Wolf will be joining Rabbit in the big city in a couple of days, so I've been bummed out today. I cried a little this morning before I went to work :-( I'll miss old Wolfie! There's a going away party tonight for him that I'm going to go to. It'll be interesting I'm sure.

I've been missing Pine lately, I'm really looking forward to seeing him again, hopefully soon! I have hopelessly fallen for him and am already distracted. It's crazy. I've learned that you definitely can't just plan these things, life just happens whether or not you want it to. And that is okay with me.

More Love, and Kale!

I just had a good conversation with a great friend of mine (haven't yet picked a cool fake name yet ;-) during which we discussed the limitations of the English language as far as the word 'love' goes. We only have one word for love and we apply it to all kinds of love: familial love, friend love, passionate love, love for inanimate objects and ideas etc etc. He told me that the Greek language has four words for love. How cool is that?!

I picked up some kale at the farmers' market yesterday. I haven't had a whole lot of experience with kale, either eating it or cooking with it. I like it! Last night I made a dinner of it with carrots and broccoli, all steamed together. I added a homemade tahini sauce and some lemon pepper, it was quite yummy! I'm always happy to learn that I like something that is so good for you. It doesn't get much better than those dark leafy greens! According to NutritionData, one cup of raw kale has over 200% of your daily dose of vitamin A, over 100% vitamin C and 9% calcium. They didn't have options for steamed kale, only boiled. I know cooking affects how many nutrients are available to your body (sometimes making more or less nutrients available) and I'd be interested in seeing the difference between steamed and boiled. Anyways, woo kale!

Ok, end nerdiness.

Love

Why are men so damn distracting? Sigh. I've never before had to deal with seriously liking more than one man at a time. Well, okay, in love with one and REALLY "in like" with another one. It's very strange. I find my brain pairing the two of them up with me, pinning them up against a wall, looking at their faces and watching our scenes play. How each of them is to me, the things they say and do. How they are the same, how they are different. My history with Owl, my present with Pine. I think about what a future with either one of them would be like. I wonder if I will ever have to choose. I don't like thinking about that, so I don't always get too far. I miss Owl so much and I am sad that we didn't have much of a chance (sometimes I think I'd like to try it again). I am excited about this thing with Pine at the same time though. I am really fighting this "one true love" idea that our society perpetuates. I think that we are capable of loving many people, and we do. A lot of people just remain in long-term monogamous relationships. So, I'm trying to chill out and enjoy this present moment with Pine, because there is no reason why I should keep myself from experiencing love with other people. There is so much loving to do! (as cheesy as that sounds...) Just because I love one person does not mean I cannot love another. At this moment in time, I don't think I would be able to fully give my heart to one person. I am okay with that.

Into the Wild

Yesterday I went to go see Into the Wild. Both Wolf and Rabbit had given it rave reviews a couple of weeks ago, saying it was definitely the best movie they had seen this year. And these guys watch A LOT of movies, so....I figured I could trust them. I was not led astray! My expectations were even set too low. It was amazing! Everything about this movie I loved. The way it was filmed, the acting, the characters, the settings, the narration. It definitely evoked in me more emotion than any film I have ever watched before. I even cried. Several times. Movies very rarely make me cry. Although I know that part of it is because of my own experiences and where I am in my life that made it very easy for me to relate to the main character, Chris McCandless. A few of the scenes I remember in detail that evoked some serious emotion for me. One in which Chris is running amongst a herd of wild elk in Alaska, smiling and laughing, another in which he comes into a beautiful Alaskan valley with majestic snow covered mountains encircling him. He throws his head back, opens wide his arms and at that moment I could feel the freedom that comes with being in such a place, being SO far away. And the insights! He meets some neat people along the way and affects them in a profound way, giving them such amazing insights. I heard myself saying during these moments, through the tears "Yes! Yes! This is what it's about!" I didn't even want to get up and leave after it was over. There was just so much to process. I mean, that could be me, the way he felt about the world, society and what is REALLY important in this life. It all made perfect sense to me, and really made me think about what the hell I am doing. It made me feel sad, excited, angry, frustrated, bewildered, and so full, full of what, I'm not sure. Full of the weight of the world maybe, the pain that this world brings. Sometimes it just hurts. When I got home, I sat down and just started crying. I wasn't even sure why. I came to the conclusion that it was the pain of this fake world, this crazy world that I don't feel I belong in, that makes no sense to me and yet is all I know. I feel like I'm missing something, something that I have never had, a lifestyle completely different than what I know now. It wasn't always like this!

I'm not really sure what else to say. Although I am happy that I went by myself. That was the first time I had ever gone to a movie alone, and it was awesome! I don't think I would have had the same experience had I been with someone else. It was almost liberating, going alone.

I'd love to read the book sometime. I do have a copy at my parents' house I'll have to pick up the next time I'm there. The photo is a self-portrait of the real Christopher McCandless taken in Alaska.

Quotes from the movie
Quotes from the book

Books on Paganism

Just a list of books I'm interested in reading or at least thumbing through that have to do with Paganism, Wicca and spirituality. I have created this list from the resources sections of Drawing Down the Moon by Margot Adler and Paganism: An Introduction to Earth-Centered Religions by Joyce and River Higginbotham.

Real Magic by Issac Bonewits
Working Inside Out: Tools for Change by Margo Adair
Daughters of Copper Woman by Anne Cameron
A Witches Bible by Janet and Stewart Farrar
The Sea Priestess by Dion Fortune
Witchcraft Today (pdf) by Gerald B. Gardner
The Meaning of Witchcraft by Gerald B. Gardner
Witchcraft, the Sixth Sense by Justine Glass
Womanspirit Rising: A Feminist Reader in Religion by Carol P. Christ and Judith Plaskow
Changing of the Gods: Feminism and the End of Traditional Religions by Naomi Goldenberg
The White Goddess by Robert Graves
Woman and Nature: The Roaring Inside Her by Susan Griffin
Mother Wit: A Feminist Guide to Psychic Development by Diane Mariechild
The New Polytheism by David Miller
The Witch Cult in Western Europe by Margaret A. Murray
The Nag Hammadi Library
The Spiral Dance by Starhawk
An ABC of Witchcraft Past and Present by Doreen Valiente
Positive Magic: Ancient Metaphysical Techniques for Modern Lives by Marion Weinstein
The Grandmother of Time: A Woman's Book of Celebrations, Spells, and Sacred Objects for Every Month of the Year by Zsuzsanna Budapest
Celebrate the Earth: A Year of Holidays in the Pagan Tradition by Laurie Cabot
Wheel of the Year: Living the Magical Life by Pauline Campanelli
To Ride a Silver Broomstick by Silver Ravenwolf
The Pagan Book of Living and Dying by Starhawk
Dancing with the Wheel by Sun Bear, Wabun Wind, and Crysalis Mulligan
When God was a Woman by Merlin Stone
The Encyclopedia of Witches and Witchcraft by Rosemary Guiley
Wholeness and the Implicate Order by David Bohm
The Perennial Philosophy by Aldous Huxley
Creative Visualization by Shakti Gawain
Modern Sex Magick: Secrets of Erotic Spirituality by Donald Michael Kraig
Wicca: A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner by Scott Cunningham